Ideas, tips and thoughts about change, motivation, goal setting, how to use negativity positively and more. Please use and enjoy - let me know what else you would like to see on this page.
What really motivates us?
If it's not money, what is it?
"The best use of money as a motivator is to pay people enough to take the issue of money off the table: pay people enough so that they’re not thinking about money and they’re thinking about the work. Once you do that, it turns out there are three factors that the science shows lead to better performance, not to mention personal satisfaction: autonomy, mastery, and purpose." Dan Pink
What is a life script?
The unwritten rules of how to live a life.
We all have life scripts, and these frame the way we live our lives and the way we expect our lives to pan out. These scripts, with their inherent expectations are 'written' as we grow through our early developmental days, as we work out our relationship with family and primary carers. Through them we learn the unwritten rules we 'should' live by, each rule is significant and meaningful to this family or group. Without any conscious input into these scripts, we take them in, swallow them whole and live our lives according to according to their criterion. As adults we can find that these scripts don't always work for us, we have developed our own way of seeing the world, we have our own ideas of what is meaningful and we find that our script can be in conflict with how we want to be living.
Ten ways to self sabotage
How we stop ourselves getting what we want
Creating a plan and setting goals for change is exciting and energising, but we have to watch out for our capacity for self sabotage. If any of the following resonate with you, don't worry, once you have an awareness about the way you might trip yourself up, you can build resilience against it. That's not to say these concerns aren't real, but by attending to them and accepting that change will be hard work and there will be difficulties to overcome you can integrate them into the journey. Click on the link below to find out more about taking negative thinking seriously.
Here are the top 10 ways we think ourselves out of changing and where the thinking can come from:
1. I can't change - I don't truly believe in my self.
2. I shouldn't change - the shouldn't can come from what you believe those around you think: family, friends, colleagues, society.
3. Change is not practically possible - there are obstacles too difficult to overcome - time, money, work, support, age, environment.
4. Change is too frightening - I am not happy with how things are now, but it is familiar, change is unfamiliar and I can't manage the unknown.
5. Change is for others not for me - I don't deserve change, I 'should' be happy with my lot, keep my head down and stick to the script.
6. I don't know how to change - I don't have the knowledge, tools, capacity.
7. It's too late for change - I'm an old 'dog', you can't teach me new tricks.
8. Change will be bad for others - change might be good for me but will impact negatively on those around me and they are more important.
9. Change is the hands of others - I am not in control of things in my life.
10. I have tried to change before - the changes I want to make won't be successful.
Life experience - Vertigo part 1
A bit more about my journey that might help with your journey...
I couldn't have been presented with a better metaphor for the state of my life, than to fall into the spiraling horror of vertigo (or to give it its proper name: migraine resistant verstibular disorder). My life was out of balance, I had five young children, I was studying for a Masters and working as a life story interviewer. Something had to give and since I was physically resilient and strong after a lifetime of being fit and active in sport, it was my brain stem that faltered. Communication between my eyes and my brain broke down - I became physically unbalanced and my world fell off its axis.
For the next four months I was unable to raise myself from a horizontal position except to do the most basic things of life. During this time I found myself doing deals with the universe, if I do this or that can I have my balance back? Clearly my thinking reflected the lack of control I was feeling. How could I turn this around? Firstly I needed to stop bargaining with the unknown and take responsibility for what I could actually do to change things. I began at the beginning, taking control of my thinking - I worked to imagine change, small change initially...